200 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
Executable File
200 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
Executable File
culture
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tvandradio
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x-factor
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8480918
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-----
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# Why I miss that old meanie Simon Cowell
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## A well-crafted insult should be admired - it takes far more skill than any
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compliment.
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![Simon Cowell, who is back on the judging panel of Britain's Got Talent.
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Photo: PA][1]
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Simon Cowell, who is back on the judging panel of Britain's Got Talent. Photo:
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PA Photo: PA
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[![][2]][3]
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By [Michael Deacon][4] 6:00AM BST 30 Apr 2011
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[Comments][5]
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'If you haven't got anything good to say about anyone," said Alice Roosevelt
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Longworth, daughter of Theodore Roosevelt, "come sit by me."
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I think she sounds like great company. Well, maybe not now - she died in 1980,
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so conversation would be subdued at best - but in her day I bet she was a
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hoot. Clearly she understood an important social rule: to be nice is nice, but
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it's not always much fun.
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The reason I mention this is that an odd thing has happened to American Idol.
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Horrid old Simon Cowell has gone - but the viewers haven't. In fact, since he
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left, their numbers have risen by 1 per cent. That figure is more significant
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than it sounds.
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First, because Idol, while remaining America's most-watched programme, has
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been declining in popularity for the past five years. And second, because
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Cowell was thought - not least by Cowell himself - to be the star of the show.
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Without him, the figures should have dived. What's gone right?
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The consensus among US critics is that viewers are tired of nastiness. New to
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Idol's panel this year are Steven Tyler, the singer from Aerosmith, and
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Jennifer Lopez. So far, both have been almost unnervingly kind.
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## Related Articles
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* [Simon Cowell is the real winner of X Factor][6]
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14 Nov 2009
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* [Britain's Got Talent: better without Simon Cowell, review][7]
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15 Apr 2011
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"You were born to sing country music. God bless you for that," said Lopez to
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one contestant. "I don't think you could have picked a better song to
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represent who you are, what you are, and the love you have for singing, man,"
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added Tyler. The two of them are so solemnly supportive, it's like watching a
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televised AA meeting.
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Naturally, the American press loves them. "Gone are the bickering and
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nastiness for nastiness's sake," rejoiced USA Today. "The era of the meanie is
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over," whooped the Daily Beast website. "It's a kinder, gentler Idol," beamed
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The New York Times.
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Even Cowell admits it looks "a better show than last year - they've got their
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energy back". (Doesn't sound like the sort of thing he'd say, does it? Maybe
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he's become nicer, too.)
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Is it true, though? Have fans of such programmes had enough of cruelty? I
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wouldn't count on it. Let's at least wait until September, when Cowell
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launches the show he left Idol for: the US version of The X Factor.
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I hope X Factor wins. Of course I would say this, because I work in
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journalism, a trade for which the main qualification is a heart the size and
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colour of a raisin, but I like a bit of nastiness. Not when it's directed at
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me, obviously - that's horrible and should ideally be prohibited by law - but
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when directed at others it can be a revivifying joy.
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It isn't just schadenfreude, it's admiration of craftsmanship. A good insult
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requires far more skill than any compliment.
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"Cole Porter sang like a hinge" (Ethel Merman). "When she sings, deaf people
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refuse to watch her lips move" (Jed Larson). "Sting, where is thy death?" (Joe
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Queenan). The humourless say it's easy to criticise. Not to that standard, it
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isn't.
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Cowell's put-downs aren't quite up there, but he hits the odd winner. "You
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sound like someone who should be singing on a cruise ship. Halfway through
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your song, I wished the ship was sinking."
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Stephen Fry once wrote a newspaper article in which he criticised critics:
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"People are wounded by their barbs," he wailed. "Certainly, people cry." On
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another occasion, as a panellist on I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, he was asked
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to define the word "countryside". "The murder of Piers Morgan," he said.
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The Fry who so wetly denounces barbs, or the Fry who so deftly delivers them:
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I know which I prefer.
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In the end, the best advice is the following, usually attributed to Steve
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Martin. "Before you criticise a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when
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you do criticise him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes."
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[What are these?][9]
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* Share: [Share][8] [ ][10] [ ][11]
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[Tweet][12]
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http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/x-factor/8480918/Why-I-miss-
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that-old-meanie-Simon-Cowell.html
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Telegraph
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## [X Factor][13]
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* ### [Culture »][14]
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* ### [TV and Radio »][15]
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* ### [Britain's Got Talent »][16]
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* ### [Michael Deacon »][3]
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In culture
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[![][17] ][18]
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### [Cheryl Cole in pictures][18]
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[![Cole admits 3 beauty secret][19] ][20]
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### [Cheryl Cole out of American X Factor 'over accent fears'][20]
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[![Elle Mcpherson and Kate Moss][21] ][22]
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### [Celebrity sightings][22]
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[![Paul Merton presents the Birth of Hollywood][23] ][24]
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### [Today's TV highlights][24]
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[![TV Guide][25]][26]
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### [TV Guide UK: searchable TV listings][26]
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[X][8] Share & bookmark
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Delicious Facebook Google Messenger Reddit Twitter
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Digg Fark LinkedIn Google Buzz StumbleUpon Y! Buzz
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[What are these?][9]
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Share:
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* [ ][8]
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* [ ][10]
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* [ ][11]
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* [Tweet][12]
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* Advertisement
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![][27]
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telegraphuk
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Please enable JavaScript to view the [comments powered by Disqus.][28] [blog
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