259 lines
7.1 KiB
Plaintext
Executable File
259 lines
7.1 KiB
Plaintext
Executable File
comment
|
|
columnists
|
|
jimwhite
|
|
8129549
|
|
-----
|
|
# No, I won't be growing a moustache this month
|
|
|
|
## A strip on the lip looks terrible, even when it's grown for charity, says
|
|
Jim White
|
|
|
|
![Salvador Dali][1]
|
|
|
|
We are in the midst of what is punningly called 'Movember' Photo: Rex
|
|
|
|
[![Jim White][2]][3]
|
|
|
|
By [Jim White][4] 4:43PM GMT 12 Nov 2010
|
|
|
|
[Comments][5]
|
|
|
|
It first became evident in the shadow spreading out below the nose of the
|
|
bloke serving me coffee. A further hint came from the ill-kempt topiary that
|
|
emerged above the mouth of the student down the road, which suggested at first
|
|
glance that an emaciated, moth-assaulted rodent had taken up residence in the
|
|
middle of his face.
|
|
|
|
But it was confirmed by the picture on the front page of this paper's sports
|
|
section of the ludicrous footballer Joey Barton, in which a Dick Dastardly
|
|
line of facial hair framed his ever-snarling mouth. With that, it all became
|
|
clear: we are in the midst of what is punningly called "Movember", the month
|
|
in which all men are urged to grow themselves a moustache. Or, in the case of
|
|
the student down the road, something that might, after the liberal application
|
|
of heavy-duty fertiliser over a period of several years, eventually
|
|
approximate to a moustache.
|
|
|
|
The movement began at an American university as recently as 2005, but has
|
|
spread across the globe like a sort of tonsurial Facebook. The idea is that in
|
|
order to raise awareness of prostate cancer - which affects roughly 30,000 men
|
|
a year in Britain alone - you get sponsored to grow a 'tache, cultivate it
|
|
over a four-week period and donate the proceeds to research charities.
|
|
|
|
Last year, £25 million was raised worldwide, which, we can all agree, is a
|
|
very good thing. But the exercise is equally valuable, because it reminds us -
|
|
as we see men of all shapes and ages suddenly transformed into bad Tom Selleck
|
|
impersonators - of a singular truth: moustaches don't work. I shudder to
|
|
suggest this, given that I share office space with the magnificent bloom of
|
|
Christopher Howse, but
|
|
|
|
this month makes it plain that it is a rare face indeed that is improved by
|
|
fungus, particularly that which restricts itself to the upper lip.
|
|
|
|
Unfortunately, in faster circles, observance of Movember is becoming
|
|
increasingly a year-round affair. Walk around Shoreditch, and you cannot help
|
|
but notice that the feathery moustache has become as integral a part of the
|
|
prevailing look as the low-cut vest and the lens-free Joe 90 specs. Yet while
|
|
fashion may not always be regarded as the most trustworthy arbiter of taste
|
|
(take Ugg boots, for instance, or purple jeggings), this revival merely
|
|
reinforces the point that a moustache requires far more commitment than is
|
|
allowed by a month or two in vogue. The fact is, you don't grow a Jimmy
|
|
Edwards overnight - so for every Lord Kitchener wandering the streets of
|
|
Hoxton, there are several thousand anorexic gerbils, very few of which will
|
|
fatten up into anything approaching a good look.
|
|
|
|
Why, ultimately, does a moustache look so dreadful? Because while a beard can
|
|
sometimes add something to a man, a moustache can only detract. There is
|
|
something about a strip adorning the upper lip that alters entirely the
|
|
character of a face, and not for the better. A 'tache makes perfectly
|
|
respectable men look shifty, calculating, caddish. The twirl of the whisker,
|
|
after all, is the simplest stage direction to indicate underhand intent. It is
|
|
all there in the example of those who have favoured moustaches in the past.
|
|
Hitler, Stalin, Saddam, Peter Mandelson: it is not an encouraging list. Which
|
|
is why I cannot be alone in wishing for the rapid arrival of December 1, when
|
|
the nation's razors are re-engaged and we can all be as clean shaven as
|
|
Chairman Mao, Slobodan Milosevic and Pol Pot.
|
|
|
|
[X][6] Share & bookmark
|
|
|
|
Delicious Facebook Google Messenger Reddit Twitter
|
|
|
|
Digg Fark LinkedIn Google Buzz StumbleUpon Y! Buzz
|
|
|
|
[What are these?][7]
|
|
|
|
* Share: [Share][6] [ ][8] [ ][9]
|
|
|
|
[Tweet][10]
|
|
|
|
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/columnists/jimwhite/8129549/No-I-wont-be-
|
|
growing-a-moustache-this-month.html
|
|
|
|
Telegraph
|
|
|
|
## [Jim White][3]
|
|
|
|
* ### [Fashion »][11]
|
|
|
|
* ### [Comment »][12]
|
|
|
|
* ### [Personal View »][13]
|
|
|
|
In comment
|
|
|
|
### [Yours, livid and vilely oppressed by all, Harold][14]
|
|
|
|
### [No, I won't be growing a moustache this month][15]
|
|
|
|
[X][6] Share & bookmark
|
|
|
|
Delicious Facebook Google Messenger Reddit Twitter
|
|
|
|
Digg Fark LinkedIn Google Buzz StumbleUpon Y! Buzz
|
|
|
|
[What are these?][7]
|
|
|
|
Share:
|
|
|
|
* [ ][6]
|
|
|
|
* [ ][8]
|
|
|
|
* [ ][9]
|
|
|
|
* [Tweet][10]
|
|
|
|
* Advertisement
|
|
|
|
![][16]
|
|
|
|
telegraphuk
|
|
|
|
Please enable JavaScript to view the [comments powered by Disqus.][17] [blog
|
|
comments powered by Disqus][18]
|
|
|
|
[![Follow The Telegraph on social media][19]][20]
|
|
|
|
Advertisement
|
|
|
|
sponsored features
|
|
|
|
Loading
|
|
|
|
Comment Most Viewed
|
|
|
|
* TODAY
|
|
|
|
* PAST WEEK
|
|
|
|
* PAST MONTH
|
|
|
|
1. [The might of arms and the hand of friendship are both important][21]
|
|
|
|
2. [What’s wrong with Cheryl Cole? It’s impenetrable][22]
|
|
|
|
3. [Sir Alex Ferguson and the Champions League final: Cometh the hour and a
|
|
half...][23]
|
|
|
|
4. [Life without broadband is a dim memory][24]
|
|
|
|
5. [Routemaster: Hold very tight, please][25]
|
|
|
|
1. [The Queen in Ireland: a majestic turning point][26]
|
|
|
|
2. [My huge sympathy for these vengeful wives][27]
|
|
|
|
3. [My 'Twitter row' with Stephen Fry][28]
|
|
|
|
4. [Why I agree with Ken Clarke – we shouldn't just lock them up][29]
|
|
|
|
5. [The Tories must give the voters what they want][30]
|
|
|
|
1. [Kate Middleton even looks lovely popping to the shops][31]
|
|
|
|
2. [Let's be clear: Osama bin Laden was executed – and for good
|
|
reason][32]
|
|
|
|
3. [My 'Twitter row' with Stephen Fry][28]
|
|
|
|
4. [If Ed Miliband and Nick Clegg won’t kiss and make up, the Left
|
|
faces extinction][33]
|
|
|
|
5. [You can’t have a laugh with a Lefty][34]
|
|
|
|
MORE
|
|
|
|
### [Columnists][35]
|
|
|
|
* **[Boris Johnson][36]** |** [Simon Heffer][37]**
|
|
|
|
* **[Benedict Brogan][38] **|** [Peter Oborne][39]**
|
|
|
|
* **[Charles Moore][39]** | **[Allison Pearson][40]**
|
|
|
|
* **[Mary Riddell][41]** | **[Matthew d'Ancona][42]**
|
|
|
|
* **[Philip Johnston][43]** | **[Janet Daley][44]**
|
|
|
|
* **[Geoffrey Lean][45]** | **[Christopher Booker][46]**
|
|
|
|
* **[Con Coughlin][47] **| **[Robert Webb][48]**
|
|
|
|
* **[Jeff Randall][49]** | **[Jemima Lewis][50]**
|
|
|
|
* **[Christopher Howse][51] **| **[Jenny McCartney][52]**
|
|
|
|
* **[Terry Wogan][53] **|** [Bryony Gordon][54]**
|
|
|
|
* **[Jenny McCartney][52]** | **[Tracy Corrigan][55]**
|
|
|
|
* **[Alan Cochrane][56]** | **[Robert Webb][48]**
|
|
|
|
* **[Vicki Woods][57] | [Rowan Pelling][58]**
|
|
|
|
* **[Nigel Farndale][59]** | **[Alasdair Palmer][60]**
|
|
|
|
* **[Michael Deacon][61]** | **[Celia Walden][62]**
|
|
|
|
* **[Rose Prince][63]** | **[Matthew Norman][64]**
|
|
|
|
### [Blogs][65]
|
|
|
|
* [**Damian Thompson**][66]
|
|
|
|
* [**Benedict Brogan**][38]
|
|
|
|
* [**Norman Tebbit**][67]** **
|
|
|
|
* [**Toby Young**][68]** **
|
|
|
|
* [**James Delingpole**][69]** **
|
|
|
|
### [Cartoons][70]
|
|
|
|
* [**Garland and Adams**][70]
|
|
|
|
* [**Matt**][71] | [**Alex**][72]
|
|
|
|
* [**Tobias Grubbe**][73]
|
|
|
|
### [Moderation FAQs][74]
|
|
|
|
* [**How we moderate reader comments**][75]
|
|
|
|
Advertisement
|
|
|
|
Classified Advertising
|
|
|
|
* [Courses][76]
|
|
|
|
* [Jobs][77]
|
|
|
|
* [Services][78]
|
|
|
|
Loading
|
|
|
|
[Find a course with Telegraph Courses][79]
|
|
|
|
var puffs_8254901 = new Array();
|
|
|